My Twelve Days of Christmas

  1. A sour sense of consumerism and greed.
  2. A lack of work ethic when it comes to wrapping gifts.  Tissue + bag = done.
  3. OCD overdrive.
  4. A wish, a hope, a dream.
  5. Constipation.
  6. Overdressed, sweaty, sticky children.
  7. Underwhelming.
  8. A trip to Urgent Care/Walgreens Take Care Clinic for at least one of us.
  9. Waking up alone with zero presents with my name under the tree  because my kids are too young to buy me stuff.
  10. Extra Xanax.
  11. Disgust over the myriad ways Santa is depicted on everyday household items.
  12. A distant bittersweet feeling I can’t quite put my finger on. So, let’s celebrate by drinking eggs!

Man, I’m a bummer.  ‘Tis the season!