Blowhole Physics

I am completely and utterly horrified by the amount of time I just spent in the insulated coffee mug section at Target. The thermo-travel-beverage-container I’ve been hauling around for the last four years finally heaved its last breath. It reached its limit of lip gloss residue, tea stains, and rubber grippy things no longer gripping. It stood up in the sink and said, “No more, woman!” and flung itself, in all its stainless glory, into the trash.

Standing there in Target, with my basket full of things not on my list, I was instantly forced to choose either a flip top, screw top, or push button liquid delivery system. Couple that with color, size, brand, and notes about BPAs and I am quickly feeling the need for a drink of something much stronger.

The funny part is, I don’t even drink coffee. I drink iced tea. Decaf.

Finally deciding that I don’t want to twist anything or push a button for my drink, I settle on the flip top. Then, noticing that all the good colors were gone, I settle for a clear one with a pretty paper insert. I get home and realize the pretty paper insert is asking me to Create Your Own Design! Simply use the handy template and Make a Collage! And Put It On Your Cup! I am now overwhelmed. I decide to rebel and NOT Make a Collage! and go about my business with my very useful and plain mug.

However, you know the smaller hole in the lid that lets the air do its physics thing and release the hot, or cold, liquid into your mouth? I call it the blowhole. Whenever I take a drink, the blowhole button on the flip lid presses on my nose. How can they screw up something so simple? Did no one at Aladdin sit down and test the prototype cup? Not only that, people at work spent valuable work time pointing out that I could Make a Collage! and Decorate My Cup! prompting me to explain why my mug does not need flair.

I recently heard somewhere that the hallmark of a society on the brink of collapse is its level of complexity. I have news for you. The insulated coffee mug aisle at Target is the tipping point. The world is coming to an end so that I can drink my iced decaf tea in a glorified adult sippy cup. Please tell my kids I love them and I’ll see them on the other side.

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