So yeah, I’m getting a divorce. It’s a long story no one wants to hear so I will move on.
We’ve not been living in the same house since July so I’ve had a lot of time to get used to living here and running this house by myself. Which is all fine and good most of the time. Lately, I find myself thinking of the pros and cons of this whole situation. I’ll do the cons first so I can end on a high note. I certainly don’t want to bring anyone down on the most depressing day of the year.
- Shoveling snow. Not so fun when you are on the other side of the glass.
- Taking out the trash. It only goes out half the time. I hate dealing with my wretched garage door and long hilly driveway. In my work clothes. In the dark.
- Reaching tall things. I am 5’2″. Need I say more?
- I know this is coming: Cutting the grass. I really am going to try and hire that out. But I know the time will come when I have to do it myself. I haven’t done it since I was 12. It’s like going to the pool on the first day of the season all pale and KNOWING that everyone is staring directly at you and your pasty white skin and flabby ass.
- I get all the hot showers. All of them. I live in a one bathroom house. It kinda sucked before, but I made the best of it out of love. Look where that got me.
- See trash item above. It’s not so bad, apparently one extra person creates double the trash. I only have to take the trash out once a week and the recycling once a month. The glass is half-full!
- I no longer have to do the “driveway dance” to make sure the right person’s car is locked and loaded in the right spot. It’s all mine, all the time.
- Same for the god damn covers on the bed. All mine, all the time.
- The thermostat. The kids are fine, they adapt. But to not have to live with someone who is a walking furnace is liberating. I am like a lizard – I am always cold and looking for a sunny rock. So now I have my sunny rock. Take that.