Better Late Than Never

Whoever (whomever? Never could get that straight) invented Daylight Savings time clearly did not have kids or pets. Believe me, I am the happiest person on earth now that I am no longer driving home in the dark. The S.A.D. days are over! Let’s celebrate in the streets! Oh wait, it’s been raining for 700 days straight after our 18-month winter and the thermometer (or is it barometer?) still hasn’t crept over 70 degrees but maybe three times.

Weather aside, those first few days of DST are brutal. Everyone at work is all groggy and hungover-like, making blunders right and left. Day two I actually felt drunk at the end of the day. My cats stare at me like I am a crazy person. “What, woman? You feed me early, yes? In honor, I shit on floor one hour early! Mmm…fooood.”

My kid was wasted tired at her 7:00 bedtime and was up like a baby bird all chirping and shit at FIVE-O-CLOCK in the MORNING. Calgon, take me away, I need some Wind Song on my mind.

Hawaii and Arizona don’t even participate in this ridiculousness. I mean, let’s face it, they have their own problems.


Driver’s Education Question #57

Q) You are at a four-way stop. Everyone arrives at what seems like the same time and everyone is on the phone except you. Who has the right of way?

A) The person who is paying attention. (That would be you.)