These Feets are Made for Sweatin’

What a great day to wear my new shoes. Not to date myself, but I was so like Monica from Friends in that one episode where she wears her new boots and they cripple her feet. It’s also the episode where Phoebe tries to meet Sting and Joey’s little sister is pregnant.

ANYWAY, new shoes, no hosiery of any kind, and no A/C in my office, and a “heat index” (whatever that is) of 100 degrees outside. So, by 10:30 a.m. my feet are all slippery with sweat. By noon, I am cursing my sweaty feet as I waddle into an equally un-air-conditioned deli to grab a sandwich for lunch. By 1:15 p.m. I am coming back from the bathroom, trying to take long strides so I won’t have to take as many painful steps, all while looking at the clock, knowing I am going to have to wear these shoes for FOUR MORE HOURS. Back at my desk, I plan my desk-leavings for maximum effectiveness. I hold my pee, shout questions and banter from my desk, work with my shoes off, apply band-aids in crucial areas, and only get up if I absolutely have to. Because of my sweaty feet, my shoes also squeaked every time I took a step. So that was cool, too.

Oh, and the big salt-cured corned beef sandwich I inhaled for lunch was delightful as it slowly sucked any moisture left in my body (except for my feet). I started swelling from the salty goodness. So not only were my feet sweaty and blistered, they were now swelling and filling out every crevice of my ill-fitting shoes.

So yeah, that was fun.


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