Joan Crawford 101

It’s only a mother who finds simple relaxing peace by washing your hands, doing the dishes, throwing a load of laundry in, peeing, etc. Those are the moments I can get away with passing off the baby to Dad, so I can enjoy a second alone. Those excuses are gold. I just changed a poopy diaper, I have to wash my hands. How about I throw some laundry in? Can you guys go horse around while I do the dishes? Only an ass would say no. Sometimes I will just languish in the bathroom, washing my hands maybe two or three times, getting under the fingernails, applying lotion, maybe popping a zit, refilling the soap dispenser, replacing the toilet paper. You get the idea.

It seems ridiculous to even point this out as in our family, Dad is home with the little refrito all summer long. But when I am home from work or off, it’s all me. Am I wrong to feel this way? Maybe I am the ass. Or a bad mom, I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kid. A LOT. You know, it’s just like at the office, when now and then you gotta get up and go pee, refill your water bottle, stop off at someone’s office for a quick chat, make a personal phone call, check your personal email, and then snap-to and get back to work. Is that so wrong?

I’m sure he feels the same way after being with her all-the-live-long-day. I mean, really, that is one long day. But when he goes back to work in a few weeks, I think it will go back to him merely being her chauffeur. And that’s ok, Dads can get away with that. But Moms have THE GUILT. Oh sure, I know if we talked about it he would encourage me to do some extracurricular activity like a yoga class or going out with friends or working out or whatever. And he’s right. But the guilt of working full time and being a mom is BLINDING. Not to mention exhausting. I’m too fucking tired to go out after I get home from work and play, nurse, feed, diaper, and bedtime her. And the thought of going out after work without seeing her off to bed is positively horrifying. Then I would never see my daughter except for 45 minutes in the morning. Then I’m a bad mom and argh! The books tell me I need time to myself to grow and blossom, and we need time as a couple to keep things alive and I’m sorry, I thought there were only 24 hours in a day the last time I checked. Do people not sleep?

Boy that sure as hell turned into a rant.

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