Letters from Iwo Jammin’!

Letters from Iwo Jima: WAY better than that other thing. Here’s why:

  1. I ate a regular, normal meal of whole wheat pasta with turkey meatballs prior to movie-watching and therefore wasn’t miserably preoccupied with my swollen trunk.
  2. I am happy to report there was no DVD skipping. (A big shout-out to Netflix for that one!) Maybe people were so bummed out by the first one, they didn’t bother renting the second one to use as a coaster, to jack up their car, or to scoop kitty litter, etc.
  3. I could read the movie instead of listening to a bunch of American craptastic actors mumble their way through gunfire. (BTW, my parents said they couldn’t get through this movie because they “got tired of reading.” Yep, that came from the biggest war-movie fanatic and his wife. Then again, I would be tired of reading too if I had just killed off a bottle of wine or two prior to firing up the DVD. A couple of weeks ago, they were disappointed that Click with Adam Sandler was so bad. What can you do? They’re old and they like to drink.)
  4. The acting was outstanding. And, can anyone say Ken “Whatahottie” Watanabe?
  5. The story and tension built ever so gracefully. Who didn’t love that little baker and rooted for him the whole time? I just wanted to put him in my pocket and take him home and give him some water and have him bake me stuff. Oh, and in my other pocket would be his adorable wife and baby daughter. Oh, and that horse and the dog from the flashback too. Just because that would be sad if I didn’t include them.

Maybe my expectations were low after that first disaster of a movie. But so what. I had a lump in my throat at the end.

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Oh, The Horror.

We just tried to watch Flags of Our Fathers. It sucked. Here’s why:

  1. I was too full from eating a huge French Dip sandwich and some chocolate right before the movie. Shall I go on?
  2. OK.
  3. The DVD from Netflix kept skipping. What the hell do these mouth-breathing idiots in the world do with DVDs? Personally, I pull them out of the cute little red envelope, and put it in the DVD player. End of story. I do not play hockey with it, use it as an ice scraper on my car windshield, bang on it with a fork, or use it as a shim under my wobbly coffee table. But apparently other people in the world do just that. We missed the ending-wrap-up-closure scene because it was so scratched that the whole thing just groaned and gave up.
  4. But you know, it’s OK that the movie ended itself. It was like movie suicide. It took itself out of its own misery.
  5. The first quarter of the movie was trying to cover character development, but all the dudes looked alike and they all mumbled! I had no idea who anyone really was until they started dying off and narrowed the field a bit.
  6. Let’s face it, the scenery was cool , but the story was dull as hell. It was weak and really didn’t have much to say.
  7. The actors weren’t anything to write home about either.

Too bad we got that and the Iwo Jima one at the same time. Maybe that one will be great because my expectations are now so low.

Here’s what a nerd I am: I put a little sticky note on the DVD before I put it in its return envelope that said something to the effect of, “Boy, I wish I knew how it ended. The darn thing skipped a whole bunch. Guess I’ll read the book! Now pass me those hard candies, sonny!” Maybe I overreacted a little; hubby says I can be like an old lady sometimes. But whatever, man. I don’t pay my $16.95 a month for crap service is all. Any nerd would agree with me there. Now, I am not so bold that I will pick up the phone and give them some razzamatazz about it. THAT’S just being an asshole.

We will just write it off as a bad Netflix weekend. Next in our queue is The Break-Up and Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Surely they will be better…right?