The Human Zoo

I took my 11 month old daughter to the zoo the other day for the first time. I had a day off during the week and thought we would have a leisurely day at the zoo on a Monday.

Boy, was I wrong. Overall, it was a fun trip, let’s not overreact here. Just a few minor observations to point out.

  1. Every bus in the state of Missouri arrived at the same time we did and dropped off more children than you could shake a pedophile at.
  2. Most of the zoo visitors were, what we in St. Louis call, “Hoosiers.” This is by no means a slam on people from Indiana. The term merely describes those who sport mullets and strongly resemble guests on the Jerry Springer show.
  3. I had to point out the animals to my baby because she was so busy staring at all the people. I was all, “Look! A monkey!” and she was all pointing to the lady to the right of us wearing gold lame shoes with pink terry cloth shorts, varicose veins and a tank top seventeen sizes too small for her tattooed breasts. Yes, the same woman who was with her daughter, granddaughter and possibly great-granddaughter in tow. And to think, I felt a little out of place because I was wearing jeans on a hottish day.
  4. We went first thing in the morning and you would think that they could hose that place down once in a while. I have never dodged so much gum, vomit and bird poo in my life. Most of the vomit was confined to the area surrounding the Conservation Carousel, and seeing that on this particular day it was covered in caution tape, we were able to steer clear easily.
  5. Why are zoos so stinky? Again, the hosing might help.

Anyway, it was a fun experience. Hopefully one I can enjoy again with the little lentil.

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