Killers

The other day my husband made a conscious decision to wear his new Iron Maiden t-shirt to mow the lawn. He was already wearing a regular old white one with yellow pit stains. Somehow, he felt that the task of mowing required a fashion choice in a different direction. I can understand how you wouldn’t want someone to see the yellow pit stains, but who really gets that close while you are pushing a gas-powered machine with whirring blades.

So, out came the Iron Maiden tee. You know, the black one with the giant zombie-skeleton named Eddie on the front and the word “Killers” emblazoned with bloody lettering on the back. Part of the decision, I believe, involved making a statement to our neighbors. A statement that would indeed say, “I am a badass hoosier (in these parts hoosier means redneck) and I will kick your ass for the fun of it.” It also says that there may be a meth lab in our basement. Exciting as that may be, we do not have a meth lab nor will my husband kick someone’s ass for the fun of it. In reality, he won’t kick anyone’s ass unless they were throttling his cat. And even then, he’d probably make me do it and then complain later that I emasculated him.

My husband is a very docile person and nice to a fault sometimes, so wearing the shirt was an issue in rebellion. He’s frustrated that when he does get angry, he can’t express it easily, so therefore wearing the shirt would make the onlooker fear him. All the while the neighbor is fearing him, hubby is working out in his head the argument for organic vs. conventional Gala apples. According to him, it all boils down to a taste issue.

But, back to the shirt – the decision may have something to do with the fact that in high school while we all enjoyed the finer points of Eddie and The Maiden, hubby was going through an unfortunate Hall and Oates/Night Ranger phase. He is just now discovering that feeling of hearing a Maiden song and feeling dirty and pumped at the same time. It’s like watching a bird hatch from an egg. You may be asking yourself why a shirt such as this even takes up space in our house. It was a gift from a friend who is so proud that hubby has found Maiden.

Oh, and by the way, it only takes about 20 minutes to mow the lawn. Front and back combined.

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